My ears were ringing, the world felt like it was
moving around me. I had to lean against the
wall to stay standing.
Mark’s voice faded as I practically sprinted out
of the office and out to the rooftop. The wind
was biting. Even though it was winter, some of
the plants were still green. A woman’s voice
drifted over from one of the bushes:
“Mom, I got employee of the year!”
“That’s my girl! You’re the best!”
“Our boss, Mr. Hamilton, he’s really cool too…”
The girl hung up and turned, and bumped
<
straight into me, “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”
I looked at her ID badge: [Liz]. Her young,
innocent eyes met mine. I saw the wrinkles
around my eyes from all my long hours.
I shook my head and let go of my stomach,
which was cramping up, and put out the
cigarette I had been holding.
Liz still looked worried. “Do you need a
doctor?”
I didn’t care if she was being fake or not, I just
waved her off. She finally backed away, looking
back at me before she said,
“You should probably smoke less. It’s not good
for you.”
I ignored her and lit another cigarette, but I put
it out too. I started this habit because of Mark,
a while back, when he stopped smoking.
He would hold me tight every morning, burying
his face in my neck, whispering, “It’s like I’m
trying to get rid of poison with more poison.”
I’d laugh, “Why did you quit all of a sudden?”
He’d think about it before saying, “Someone
said my breath smells awful.”
Did it?
Before I could ask, he would get out of bed to
go shower, clearly not wanting to continue the
conversation.
It took me five minutes to draft my resignation
letter. I sent it, knowing that he wouldn’t see it
for another three days, unless I reminded him.
Would he sign it? I wondered. In the last ten
minutes, he’d sent me five texts.
Still working on that report?
<
Tom is here, come have lunch with us.
What’s keeping you?
Take your time.
Where did you leave the East Side Project
book?
I only replied to the last message.
As the day faded away, I finished my last
cigarette, and went back inside. It was time to
give up something, whether it was smoking, or
him.
2
On my way down, Mark texted me a couple
more times.
Won’t be home tonight, having drinks with Tom.
<
12:09
54
www
I told Maria to make something light for dinner,
make sure to eat.
I didn’t reply. I went into my office to pack up
the important stuff. Some of the others in the
office gave me strange looks. “I’m taking some
vacation time. Family stuff.” I told them.
When I got home, the house was dark. Maria
was putting the last dish on the table. I
hesitated for a moment before sitting down and
picking up my fork. I’d almost forgotten what it
was like to just eat and not be working.
When Mark first noticed me doing this, he
would try to get me to stop.
“Why are you such a workaholic?” he’d say.
“Sarah, nothing bad is going to happen if you
just take a break.”
I would just chuckle, stop typing, and eat
properly. A few minutes later my phone would
く
be dinging again.
“I’m done with you,” he would say, and he would
take my spoon and feed me. My own mother
never did that.
I would blush. But I would finally put down my
work and eat.
That was a long time ago.
Maria came out with some dessert. “Mr.
Hamilton told me to make this for you, Mrs.
Davis,” she said.
He remembered my period.
“Are you crying?” she said, looking surprised.
I shook my head and changed the topic. “Maria,
could you pack up my clothes? The stuff on the
left side of the closet, could you throw it all
out?”
く
12:09
ร
54
Maria looked confused, but nodded. She quickly
filled two boxes before she stopped. “These are
all brand new, are you sure?”
Yeah, they were all new. They were all from
Mark.
The Italian coat from our celebration after our
first big deal. The emerald ring for our
anniversary, he flew all the way to Columbia to
learn how to make it.
When he gave me the ring, even though his hands were almost healed he held it up like it
was the worst thing ever. “It hurts.”
On my birthday, he got me a star and pulled out
the telescope on the balcony to show it to me.
“Whenever I miss you on a work trip, I’ll look up
at it. It’s my special star for my special Sarah.”
I was a boring person, other than at work. I
<
didn’t express myself. I was introverted.
Mark had always been the one to say how he
felt and made me learn how to love. I just took
it for granted that we’d eventually get married. I
didn’t realize that it was such a burden for him.
“Mrs. Davis?” Maria was trying to get my
attention. I jumped back to reality.
“Is there a donation center at the edge of the
neighborhood? Could you just give it all away?”
She said that she would.
