Chapter 8
I don’t remember if I died from pain or from blood loss. All I recall from that night is the wind sweeping across the barren land, howling past my exposed, bloodied face.
Perhaps people think of pleasant things before they die. I found myself lost in memories from before I was five. After I was born, my mother, suffering from postpartum depression, couldn’t bear to look at me and sent me to the countryside. There, my elderly grandmother lived alone. She was the kindest person in my world, giving me all the
warmth I had ever known.
She would pick fresh raspberries from the trees, wash them, and place them in
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a small basket by my bedside for me to enjoy. I remember her calling to say that Delilah wanted raspberries, but they were unavailable at the market. My grandmother said, “Oh dear, we’ve had too little rain this
year, so the raspberries haven’t grown.”
After hanging up, the playful old woman winked at me and smiled. I always remember the taste of that night on my tongue. But when I was five, my grandmother passed away. Abelard was only three, and my mother was forced to bring me back home. From then on, she looked upon me with disfavor.
I heard my mother whisper to my father, “Does this child really have a problem? Even her grandmother died because of her.””
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I stared at her numbly. At five, I didn’t truly understand life and death. I only knew that
no one would ever choose me over others
with unwavering certainty. From then on, I was a child never to be favored.
In the next breath, as my life ceased, my soul was pulled by the wind, drifting out of my body. I saw the man pull an axe from the trunk of the car and sever the bones connecting my limbs. I saw a train speeding across the quiet fields under the starry sky. I saw a little girl in a house lit by countless lights suddenly wake from a nightmare, crying out once before being pulled into her parents‘ embrace, comforted and soothed.
At the end, I saw Delilah waking up from her bed, yawning. Under my mother’s urging, she washed up and changed into her wedding
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dress. I was back. Even in death, I returned to this home, attending Delilah’s wedding.
