Chapter 37
Chapter 57
Leah
Caleb carries me to our bed with Sonic The Hedgehog speed, and I laugh with tears in my eyes when he throws me on my back onto the mattress before pinning me underneath him. I don’t even have time to admire his muscular chest before tender kisses are pressed to my neck and the underside of my jaw, something which butterflies swarm my belly.
How is this man so talented?
I’m suffering from goosebumps, too, and Caleb smiles against my skin. “Someone likes it when I nibble her skin.”
His deep voice makes me smile up at the ceiling. I’m so in love with Caleb, so lucky to call him my soon–to–be–husband. We are what you would call a whirlwind romance, and yet…I can’t do this. When he pulls down what remains of my clothing. I sit upright with tears running down my face.
“I can’t do this!” I exclaim, not sure why I’m hyperventilating, but I am.
Caleb freezes and stays frozen for a full minute before he plops down in front of me. By now, my hands are shaking while my head is filled with memories from the hospital. I see our daughter, the doctors, the blood…is this a panic attack? Shit. Why am I having one now? Caleb and I have had sex after what happened…is it because I’ve had a bad day?
“Leah? Are you okay-”
I shriek and jump a mile when Caleb tries taking my shaking hands in his larger ones. “Don’t touch me!”
Caleb immediately backs off with his hands held up. One could think I had raised a gun at him by how quickly he moves, but no, that’s just how he is: respectful. Since he is older than me and has dated more people than me, a woman freaking out probably isn’t new to him, either.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.
I want to tell him no, that he hasn’t done anything wrong, and it’s just my head and it’s ghosts messing with me. But I can’t form words. Instead, I’m gasping for air like a fish on land as memories flood my mind. I see the sterile hospital room, the beeping machines, the tiny, still form of our daughter swaddled in a pink blanket. It’s too much, too painful.
“I…I can’t…” I choke out between sobs. “Jenna…the hospital… it’s all coming back.”
Understanding dawns in Caleb’s eyes, and suddenly, he isn’t holding up his hands in surrender but picking me up into his lap with that inhuman strength of his.
“Oh, Leah,” he murmurs once he has wrapped his arms and legs around me as if wanting to protect me from everything in this world. “I’m so sorry. I should have realized… With us trying again, of course, it would bring up those memories.”
“No, don’t apologize to me, Caleb,” I try to furiously blink away my tears as I speak. “We have already had sex since coming back from the hospital, like what the fuck, we live together, and we are getting married–I should be happy! Bu instead, I’m sitting here and crying like a wimp!”
“You’re not a wimp for having emotions, Leah.”
Caleb’s voice is gentle but firm as he cradles me against his chest “What we went through…losing Jenna…it was traumatic. It’s normal to have moments where it all comes flooding back, no matter how much time has passed.”
I sniffle and turn around in Caleb’s lap so I can lean my warm face against his cold chest. It feels nice, and I close my eyes
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while stroking a lazy hand over his right pectoral muscle. He is really sexy, and I’m probably crazy for thinking this, but I don’t want to have sex anymore. Not tonight. I just want to be held, kissed, and treated like a princess.
My eyes lift up to his. “Can we just cuddle tonight?”
A tender smile curves his lips. “Why do you look so afraid? Is it because you worry I would say no?”
“Yes.”
Irritation ticks against his jaw. “You ever think I would?”
I smile, and although I suspect Caleb might tickle me for it, I playfully say, “You never know.”
He snorts. “If the future me ever says no cuddling with his perfect and beautiful future wife, then please leave his sorry ass because he is not worthy of you.”
I breathe a laugh. “You’re funny for speaking in third person about your future self,” I tease, my earlier panic receding in the face of his gentle humor. “But duly noted.”
“Good,” Caleb murmurs and strokes a path from the side of my breast to my hip, where it lingers before parking itself on my slightly plump stomach. “So about that cuddling session…”
“Hey!” I growl and swat at his hand with a reddening face. “Don’t touch my fat!”
Caleb laughs. “Fat? What fat? All I feel is the soft, perfect curves of the woman I love.”
“Flatterer,” I mutter. “I’m becoming fat, and you know it!”
“It’s not fat, it’s perfection.”
“Keep talking like that, and you will regret it.”
“How so?”
“Uh, are you blind? I still haven’t lost my pregnancy weight. I’m actually gaining weight since….well….eating makes me feel happy, and you keep buying me Oreos!”
“And why is buying you Oreos a bad thing?” Caleb challenges me while his hand affectionately strokes my pouch. “You’re not fat. I mean…you might not be the thinnest girl there is, but I wouldn’t want that. You were made to be curvy, Leah, and this thing right here,” he squeezes my butt. “Is sexy as hell.”
I blush at Caleb’s words, both embarrassed and flattered by his praise of my body.
“You really don’t mind that I’m getting softer?” I ask shyly, peeking up at him through my lashes.
“Mind? Baby, I love it,” Caleb grins, squeezing my butt again for emphasis. “More of you to grab onto.
I notice his cock clubbing up again and roll my eyes. “You’re biased and only thinking with your dick,” I mutter, but I can’t stop the small smile tugging at my lips. It feels good to be wanted by my soon–to–be husband.
Caleb chuckles. “Maybe I am biased, but that doesn’t make it any less true. I love your body exactly as it is, curves and all.”
“You mean ‘fat and all,‘ right?”
Now, it’s Caleb’s turn to roll his eyes. “Whatever…” he says, smiling and reaching for the remote. “Let’s watch something on
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the TV.”
“Oh, let’s watch the new squid games!”
Caleb grins and puts it on while I get comfortable against him. I’m still filled with hurt, but it feels a bit better when Caleb hands me the Oreos. Who said money couldn’t buy you happiness? Oreos can be purchased, and happiness and cookies are sort of the same thing…
***
Another month later, I’m still not pregnant, but finally writing my novel again. But the ruthless comments on my latest chapter aren’t exactly motivating me to keep writing…
Evie101: Is it just me, or is this novel becoming kind of lackluster There’s no hot, steamy sex anymore…
Kendrababy replied to Evie101: I agree! There used to be so many hot sex scenes with the CEO, but now there are hardly any updates, and when there are, nothing much is written!
Anna Wolf replied to Kendrababy: Haha, it might be because the author got fat, and her boyfriend never wants to have sex with her anymore.
Kendrababy replied to Anna Wolf: I forgot you knew who the author was! Did she really get fat? Wait. Wasn’t she dating a rich guy? Shit! If she has become fat, won’t she get dumped? No rich sugar daddy wants a fatso.
Anna Wolf replied to Kendrababy: I believe the author will get dumped soon, especially since her rich boyfriend is hotter than hell. Maybe I will steal him?
I stare at the comments with my jaw slacking to the ground. When did my comment section become gossip–central about my private life?!
My stomach churns as I read the vicious comments about my weight and relationship. The words “fat” and “dumped” stand out like neon signs.
Is this really what my readers think of me now? That Caleb will leave me because I’ve gained a few pounds? Since the answer I hear inside my head hurts me, I slam my laptop shut so I won’t see the comments.
Rationally, I know I shouldn’t let internet trolls get to me. Caleb loves me for who I am, not my dress size. But even if the more rational part of my brain knows that there’s still that niggling voice of doubt whispering that maybe, just maybe, those commenters are right. That if I keep “letting myself go“, Caleb’s affection will wane.
I march over to the full–length mirror and poke at my softer tummy, horrified at my extra padding. When did I stop being the toned, slender girl Caleb fell for?
Insecurity wraps around my throat like a vice. What if Caleb leaves me? I wouldn’t survive that so I guess I better hit the gym. But I hate the gym! So running? That’s easy, right?
With my mind made up, I put on some clothes and head out of the bedroom. The sound of Caleb lifting weigh inside another room echoes in the corridor, but it soon stops.
“Where are you going?”
I turn around to watch a sweaty and half–naked Caleb drying his face with a towel. His brown hair clings to his skin, and for a moment, I’m transfixed by the sight of his glistening, sculpted chest and abs. It takes me a second to remember why I’m even here.
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“I’m, um, going for a run,” I say, tearing my eyes away from his godlike physique. “Thought I’d get some exercise in.”
Caleb raises an eyebrow, his blue eyes assessing me. “Since when do you voluntarily exercise? Usually, I have to drag you to the gym kicking and screaming, even if it’s just to spot for me.”
“Well, not today.”
“Aha, and what is different today?”
I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. “Just feeling motivated, I guess.”
“At midnight on a snowy night?”
Okay, now he is making me sound dumb, but I sure as hell won’t back down now!
I straighten my back. “Uh, yes?”
Caleb ducks his head to silently laugh at me. It makes me confused. Did I win the argument? I keep staring at him, thinking he might not be that mad at me, until he stops laughing to instead give me an incredibly scary glare.
“Do you really think I would let you go out in this storm? And alone at that?”
“Yes.”
That is clearly the wrong answer because, suddenly, he looks even more pissed off. “You’re not leaving the house after midnight on your own to go for a run.”
I’m in shock. Caleb has never spoken to me like this before. Did he hit his head on the weight rack?
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
Seriously? Irritation flares up within me, and since I’m a stubborn bastard, I walk past him with a burning determination to leave the house. Caleb, however, gets in my way.
I glare up at him. “Move!”
Instead of moving, he crosses his pumped and corded arms over his broad chest and glares down at me in a way that makes me realize there’s no getting past the damn behemoth unless he chooses to let me pass him.
“I’m not going to let you go out there. It’s dangerous for a woman, and it doesn’t help that you look like that.”
My face burns. “Look like what? Fat?!”
“Huh? No! That’s not…” Caleb trails off and curses under his breath before barking out his next sentence, “You’re curvy and hot, Leah! Any creep out there would love to get his hands on you. You might even get kidnapped!”
Oh my god, he is delusional!
“I never thought I would say this, but are you blind?” I exclaim in disbelief. “Any man who wanted to kidnap me would need a truck just to cart my fat ass away!”
